January 23, 2012

Good morning all-

There's so much going on in my head lately, I don't even know where to begin.  I have walked with God through many things in my life.  I have watched people make horrible choices, I have watched myself make horrible decisions. I have tried to save people from making them and I have walked up to the mirror and asked myself, "What are you doing?"  I have chastised, kicked, hurt, worried and feared some of the choices I've made.  I have wondered what consequences would come my way and I have wondered, "Does God even love me anymore?"

You know the drill.  I call it the kick myself when I'm down drill.  It comes on when I'm not performing enough, when my kids aren't performing enough and when my husband doesn't see my way.  Or it may just happen because I'm self-reflecting too much and bam, everything is in my head at once and nothing seems to fit except a wide variety of panic, worry and fear.  You know how it goes.  If you're a women, you've walked in my shoes.

The last years have been more than enough pressure for me than I could sometimes imagine.  I am now raising a teenager without my greatest sage, my mother.  I have no parents to tell me what I'm doing wrong or to help me let go.  I have to let my sons make choices just like my parents let me.  I have to love them through it and hope that they are praying as much as I am.  I have to trust in a God I can't see, hear or feel.  I have to believe that the word is my sword.  I have to pray to someone I have never met and trust that He has my future in His hands.  I have to give my possessions, my livelihood and my family to Him, because none of it's mine.  I have to die to my pride, be stretched and know that He is enough.  I have to believe that one man came to earth and died on a cross for me.  Really?  Why?  I know you've asked yourself the same question, contemplated the same things and yet, we still doubt.

I never truly understood Thomas until lately.  Why did He doubt?  He walked with God and He wanted proof of the resurrected Christ.  But when He asked, Christ revealed His scars.  He didn't condemn Him for asking, He simply showed Him.  Today, God shows us in random acts of kindness, in a strangers willingness to share the gospel, through the little children that follow Him with nothing more than a word, and in those of us that have walked long enough to know; we aren't perfect but He is.  This is love.  At the end of every day, I contemplate that.  I was exhausted yesterday after working and yet my last thought was of God and my first one this morning was of Him too.  When I don't write, I feel so empty.  This blog has become a part of my daily walk with Him and although I was sick, not being close to Him made me feel more sick.

Whether it's our health, our jobs or our worries, we must give them all over to Christ.  I'm learning more and more that it's His cup not mine.  The Devil would have us believe we aren't good enough because we are fallible.  That's true in this world but competency is not why God came as man; He came for our hearts, our souls and our love.  The Pharisees knew knowledge, had wisdom and were dedicated to the law; Jesus came for the people.  Think on that for a minute.

As always my sisters, I hope that Christ keeps you safe, shows you something miraculous and with each day you seek Him, you find Him.  I thank Him every day for finding me.

Matthew 14:31 NKJV:

     And immediately Jesus stretched out HIs hand and caught him, and said to him, "O you of little faith, why did you doubt?"

Luke 24:38 NKJV:

     And He said to them, "Why are you troubled? And why do doubts arise in your hearts?

1 Timothy 2:8 NKJV:

     I desire therefore that the men pray everywhere, lifting up holy hands, without wrath and doubting;

Interesting how doubting can keep you from God.  Look what Timothy says about men praying everywhere, that's what we need to be doing, in every country.  We are women but we need to lift up holy hands and pray to Christ.  We don't need to know each others language because He hears all languages.  Praise the Lord today by lifting Your hands and praying for the lost, the broken, the grieving and the troubled.  It might be the best house call they've ever had.  May today find you well.


My prayer today:

O, Lord, You are mighty in my eyes.  I can't see You, I have never touched You and I can't say that I have truly heard You but every part of my being looks for You.  I read Scripture and I feel You walking beside me, talking to me and calming my fears.  I hear in my forefathers the love and devotion they had for You.  I see the consequences of their actions and the love that You bestowed anyway.  I see Your faithfulness on the cross and I remember the words, "Take this cup from me."  But You knew that Your will must be abolished in order to save the world.  Your sacrifice has shown love to the lost, the hurting and me.  I have loved You for so long but I have doubted You and for that, I am deeply sorry.  Please take my cup and make it Yours.  Direct my sisters all over the world to become Your women.  Please show us through Scripture the power we have in You.  Help us love the lost, they are Your people and we want to show them the love You have for them.  There are many that don't know a Savior, reveal yourself today.  In Jesus name, AMEN

Until tomorrow...