Have you ever wondered who you are? Have you questioned whether you are worthy? Have you worried about what people think of you? Do you feel defeated often? If you can answer yes to any or all of these questions then your just like me. Oh how I want to be liked, loved and honored. Unfortunately, that is not always the case. You could be misrepresented, misunderstood or just not liked. God promised that we would have hardships and that people wouldn't always agree with what we think and the fact of the matter is; most won't understand you, believe in you or when times get tough remember who you are.
What's our recourse when times get hard, when we're misunderstood? Do we defend ourselves? Do we attack? What should we do? We should be still. We should take every negative thought and capture it. We should pray for our tongues and we should repent, over and over again.
Wouldn't it be great if we could do that? Instead, most of us would defend ourselves, get angry, say things we don't mean and at the end of the day, no one suffers but us. We suffer because instead of remembering who we serve, what our purpose is, we fall on the world and the world's sword.
When we fall, how do we get back up? We stop, we listen and we reflect. We don't judge, we don't get angry, we react the way Christ would have. I've thought about that a lot in the last weeks. Like anyone else, when I get angry or I don't feel heard, I react. I have always hated to be ignored, pushed aside or thought unworthy. And yes, I am full of myself in those moments. But over the last weeks and months, I have realized something very important; I am who God made me to be.
I am human. I have feelings and emotions. Lately, too many to count. I think I have held my emotions in for so long, they have been coming out in a flood. That's okay though because in order for me to really be a Godly woman, I have to be washed clean. I hate being weak. So why have I gone through a journey of being weak? I have asked myself that over and over and I have come to one conclusion, for the sanctification of my life.
Christ healed the masses. They followed Him wherever He went. So much so, that He had to escape to the mountains just to get some peace. He was adored, loved and worshiped. And yet, those same people crowded around Him and humiliated Him. When Pontius Pilot let the crowd decide, they chose to save a murderer over Him. When He was asked to defend himself, He said nothing. I think we can all learn from that. He had every right to be hurt, angry and frustrated. He had every right to defend His honor and to say to all, "Are you kidding me? I saved you all and this is how you treat me." He never spoke a word. Oh how I wish I was more like Him. I wish that I could sit back and be the same way. He died for us. He was beaten for us. He was crucified for us. It's very humbling, don't you agree?
Whether it be in marriage, relationships or with people we don't even know, is it worth justifying yourself? I really don't think so anymore. Do we really ever justify what we've done for others? Will anyone really ever see who we are? No one knows us but Jesus and He's trying to purify all that green sludge that lives inside of us. You know, jealousy, envy, anger, frustration and pride just to name a few. The question shouldn't be how do I justify myself, it should be how do I become more like the person God made me to be.
Our lesson is in Jesus. His behavior should be a light. Most of the time, we participate in our downfall, Jesus didn't. He helped people, even the ones that would betray Him. No one knows better than Jesus, who you are and why you're here. In the last months, I have asked Him to reveal Himself to me. I needed to understand my path and understand why I had to be broken. Pride, envy, anger and the tongue, do not belong in a woman that God has made to love, encourage and to spread the word. How can any of us spread the word if we are looking for every one's acceptance?
Being God's woman means I must take the correction, move on and become the person He made me to be. I can't be defined by the world in anyway. I must be defined by the Word of God. It's His favor I seek. So for the last months and days, I have repented and tried to remember who God made me to be. After the flood gates were opened wide, I found her. Jesus and I walked hand and hand and I have her back. Now I just need to walk daily, pray a lot and remember that I was made for this day. I'm real. I have faults and I am very aware of them. But in the end, I am God's child, chosen to love and encourage and with all my heart that's what I hope to do.
I hope this post encourages you, especially if you've been struggling with any or all of these emotions. God warns us against gossip, anger, envy and our tongues. I think women do this more then men but we all have our sins. I hope you really think about how you were wonderfully made. I hope you capture a glimpse of who God made you to be. I hope that you see the beautiful person God has made and I hope He corrects you the way He has me. I've learned more about life in these last months, maybe more than my entire life. I'm a warrior who needs a Savior!
Be blessed because you are wonderfully made!
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Psalms 139:14 (KJV)
I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.
